Sometimes certain subjects are very hard for me to talk about- or even think about. Because of the way I was raised, my knowledge of what a healthy relationship should be was kind of stinted. Especially when it comes to anything related to sex. Normally I would play the little games, and call it something fun drawing crazy analogies to sex, but today is a bit more serious.
I’ve never known what is normal. Because of my religious upbringing, sex, or anything related to sex, was not only off limits, but considered a sin. When I got engaged my future husband and I started discussing sex, and human anatomy among other things. I don’t know if I’m the only woman who didn’t know what a vagina, or mine for that matter, looked like until age 21. I had also never touched my own breasts. Is that weird? Are all people really this out of touch with their own body?
I am still in shock that I was raised to feel like parts of my own body were off limits – even in healthy ways. I understand that it must be hard to draw a line. How do you encourage kids to love their own body, and respect themselves, without encouraging them to be promiscuous? Sex was never mentioned in the home I grew up in. I never experienced “the talk” or anything related to it. My mom pulled me out of every sex-ed lesson available to me, and did not offer anything in place of it. Mind, I was a “good girl” in that I waited for my husband, but I think given the choice, I would’ve waited any way. I hope that when I finally have children that I can do something better than what I received. I want my kids to feel confident in who they are, and in their own skin. I want to be able to explain things to them that my parents never explained to me, and I want my kids to feel comfortable talking about things like sex – because it is a beautiful, and natural, part of a healthy marriage relationship.
I am so thankful for my supportive, patient husband who has made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, when I feel like hiding. I love that he gives me honest, open answers when I ask him sex questions. And I’m not talking about “what position do you like” kind of questions. I’m talking about the kind of things that normal kids go through when developing into an adult. Because for me – I don’t think I realized I had a sex organ until well… biology in 10th grade. Yeah. That is embarrassing. I wouldn’t say I was naive, but I was definitely sheltered.
I’m going to stop here. I don’t really want to be graphic, but I am kind of sickened by my own life experiences at times. I have gone through so many terribly, trying times, and I just wonder – if my mother had told me that my body was normal, beautiful, and natural – would my view of myself be less warped? If I hadn’t thought that self-stimulation was a sin next to murder, would I have a healthier view of sex? I don’t know. All I know is – I am going to do something different with my own kids.